Fry Bread?

The title has nothing to do with anything in this post... FYI

Lately... Life has taken its toll on me and its dragged me behind its wagon of trials, pains, and afflictions. But you know, I'm on the upward hill now. Walking. Actually no. I'm walking on a road. That is tilted ever so slightly up. So slightly that I can't even feel the difference. I guess you can say that for a road going down... But I'm going up. I am. :) On this fabulous break with only 3 more days left, i am having a good time.

Someone gave my family secret Santa gifts. We all got one gift and a card. We have no idea who they are from. We have absolutely no idea. I want to know because they spent nearly 1,000 buck-a-roonies, on my small small family. Why would they do that? I dunno but if they ever read this I thank them very much. It means a lot to me. We were weren't really planning on having a Christmas this year. Mostly just eating and then, "Family Time" which is where we watch movies and then yell at each other to shut up during the movie. What can I say? Can't break tradition. ;) But yeah. That brought me to tears to see actual presents under our tree with single ornaments and lights strung around it. It made my sister smile, it made my mom cry. It made my dad say 'Wow'. In English. Not that you can say 'Wow' in Spanish, just with less of an accent.

I was kidnapped by my friends to watch The Help. It's a really good movie. Depicts the time of all the segregation and black maids so well. I love it. Because you can all collectively hate the same person, and love the same person. :) I love that. Like when you go to a movie and your the only one laughing because your laugh is on the outside. But I LOVE, when you go to a movie and the people in the theater with you laugh when you laugh, and OUT LOUD no less. :) It's awesome. Or when there are black people and they comment on everything! (Not being at all, seriously, racist. I love black people.)

Today, I went to the Timpanogos temple. Although i didnt go inside because of my recommend and personal reasons. It still felt good to even be on the outside. Being on the outside I still felt that peace. Being on the outside I still felt that comfort. Being on the outside, I still felt His care. It was weird to actually sit there, and think to myself. Why I was sitting on the outside. How I could change that, and What I had to do to be able to go inside again someday. I miss it... but. Today was not wasted. Today, I felt more spirit then I have ever in a single meeting. I know that sounds terrible. ... but it was true. It is true. The temple is a House of The Lord. A place to find peace and joy, and revelation. What's worse is that, we should be able to find that same peace and joy, and revelation in our own homes. Our homes should hold that same amount. But I don't, I find myself in a constant battle trying to find some form of peace in silences, some form of joy in the laughter, some form of revelation in the discussions. If that makes any sense. [its alright if you dont, this is mainly for my own vent session. My imaginary version that someone is actually listening to me and caring.]

Today, I wrote in my journal.. At least.. 15 pages. It hurt, but it felt good. A "hurt so good" kind of thing. I wrote about what happened nearly 5 years ago. I wrote about the trials I had endured, the lies I told, the pain I caused others, the pain I brought upon myself. All of this negative pressure, negative results, all because I didn't have any friends. I was the shy, always-early-to-class student. To a teacher, that's the best student. I was always last in group assignments, or groups of 3's. I would wait for everyone to be done and when the teacher would say "Does anyone not have a group?" Is when I would raise my hand, and receive the looks from everyone in the class that all collectively said "Please don't put her in our group." I knew I wasn't wanted.

Fact: I had to make up, a boy, who "liked me" for someone to realized I was cutting myself. (yeah. there's the big secret. and I won't go into much more details.)

I wrote about how I would speak to my mother in my room, and cover the fresh cuts with my own hands and she wouldn't even notice. That's when I realized, she didn't even notice. Nobody cared. Nobody listened to me.

Now, I love my mother. I do. But at that time, I thoroughly disagreed, and i still do. She told me that it didn't matter if I had friends or not in school. [mind you, it was 7th grade.] That I needed to focus more on my school work, or my studies, then having friends. I ate lunch for the entire 1st semester alone. Even alone in the bathroom at times. I regret to admit, but I did. I was that girl. I was.. Even in elementary. The first note I ever wrote to my friend, she didn't let me give it to her. Because I simply said that a little quiz means less then a friendship. That our friendship meant more then a silly little quiz. But that's besides the point. I had, no friends. All my friends from 6th grade went on to Centennial. Or the friends I did have, decided they were to cool for me and acted like we had never met.

3 things I figured. Nobody Noticed. Nobody Cared. Nobody Listened. It wasn't until the 2nd semester that I had 3 friends. THREE. Count 'em. ONE. TWO. THREE. They were well known among peers at school, mostly because they had their own group at their elementary. The Pink Ladies. [They loved the movie Grease] With jackets with letters and everything. Later that year they had told my counselor. Then ... I got better. Slowly ... and at times I felt the way I did before. At times at school now, I still wait for the teacher to ask that question, but sometimes he/she doesn't and I'm left sitting there. Getting the assignment done by myself. Because. Nobody Noticed.

Granted now I do have more friends then I did in 7th grade. 8th grade was the push of my shyness. Choir helped in a way. I had to sing in front of a class room of 40 girls. I joined a dance group program after school and actually met a boy. A real boy. Who liked me. And I liked him. A lot. He saved me. He saved me from the RUT I was in. Of course, he had to move away and I haven't seen him since a volleyball game at Springville that Mountain View Football was playing at. He came to see the game for a bit. :j Of which I had gotten dig, after dig, and we got the game winning rally point, because of those digs. :)

.... well.. This has been quite the entry no? I'm sorry. that was just my long. long. long. long. long. long. Stream on conscious. So yeah.. Don't judge me to harshly.. I have my reasons. I have my flaws. Your not perfect either, you were just given different trials. We all were. Sometimes they can be similar. But its rare. You know, If I were given a chance to CHOOSE my trials and pains and frustrations. I'd pick the same ones. So would you.


Yours Truly,
Amanda Jeannette.
Stay True, Stay You.

The Last Eight Counts

The following is a paper assignment for my Creative Writing class. What i got out of it was that I'm to depict what a Dancer, a professional dancer, might feel, think, or see? if given the news they have to lose both their legs.


The Last Eight Counts


One, …Two, …Three, … Four, …Five …Six, …Seven, …Eight

Leaping and flying I felt boundless, unlimited by the world. There was no amount of gravity that could hold me down. No length of letters to the law that could keep me from dancing. I knew exactly what I had to do, and what I was capable of doing. My teacher never told me to fix my posture while in 4th position. He never yelled at me to point harder or straighten my leg any better. He always showed me as the prime example in passé. The way I look at ease in this position. I was his protégé. I was only 16 in a class filled with students much over 21 years of age, they having had lived more of their lives dancing then I could in a single day dream. I was always given more then my own space, more then enough room to dance and not hit anyone.

One, Two, adjust my shoes.
Three, Four, I am forlorn.
Five, Six, I danced like this.
Seven, Eight, Time is gone and now its too late.

Kicking, punching, and screaming now replaced Pliés and Elevés. Chassés and Dégagés were performed with anger, grief, and malice. Infused with rage towards myself, creating a cruel mixture called Life, My Life. Where did I go wrong? Did I miss my marker? Was I on the wrong count? No, that can’t be it. I’m sure he said five I just know it! This isn’t how its supposed to be. He never said I’d be doing this alone. He said he would always be there for me to make sure I was jumping high enough, pointing hard enough, dancing just, enough, to suit him. I didn’t audition for this solo. It was never planned in the schedule. Then again, nothing is ever planned, its only jotted down in the hopes He’ll allow us to do so. Sometimes we write it down and all He can do is laugh because it’s not what he has in mind.

One, …Two, …Three, … Four, …Five …Six, …Seven, …Eight

Fiery balls of gas fell from the night sky. They hid from me behind mountains, and trees, and large boulders from a far off. Once they held my power, my strength and agility. But now they simply burnt holes in my pockets. Where there was once a cyan blue sky, now sits my black shadow. I sit here alone, awaiting my fate as I hear his footsteps coming closer and closer. A small chance that I could walk away with a minor set back or to be constrained to a wheel chair filled with self-contempt. What would be the prognosis? My life lies in His hands.
I can’t leap or bound, I can only fall. But at least I know how to fall, the right way. My mama once said to me “If you do something over and over again, it will soon become you.” I used to practice my leaps for hours and hours on end. Jumping and jumping as high as I could. But now, I can only turn and turn as far as I want to go. Push and push and be pushed for the rest of my life. The strength required is small, but in large doses does it prescribe. The milligrams though large they may be are do able, but don’t subside the pain.

One, …Two, …Three, … Four, …Five …Six, …Seven, …Eight

After my first failed “Flying Stars” audition, my father raised me from the floor into his arms, looked me in the eyes and said “ Don’t you ever give up. They aren’t worth your talent.” As he placed me back on the floor, the paper that stuck to my chest with the number eight withered in my tears.
I used to think that I could fly off the face of the earth if I wanted to, that I could get anywhere I needed to go. But now the only axis I can move on is X. There will never be a Y again. Do I bother even trying if I know I’m just going to fall down again? Why am I this point on the graph, stuck on the Line of Life unable to move up or down, diagonal in direction? Was this really my role? Was I to be assigned to be the part of the paraplegic? How would He have known what my response would be?
I’m not ready to let go, because I’d never know what I’d be missing. What I’d be sitting out for. I would lose everything I never found, everything I never saw, never felt. But as two turns to zero, zero turns to four; I’m left alone to ponder with my thoughts. “I think it’s me. … At least I hope it’s still me. Half of me really.” I am left to live the other half of my life this way. I never asked for this. It wasn’t in my plan, it wasn’t on my schedule, but then again those things are really only jotted down to make Him laugh aren’t they?
One, …Two, …Three, … Four, …Five …Six, …Seven, …Eight










Yours Truly,
Amanda Jeannette.
Stay True, Stay You.


Ps. Courtesy Editing help, and keeping me sane by not letting me abuse my delete button: Jenna King.

"A poem is never finished. It is only abandoned"

Words you have to read with sound, hear out loud, see float and just hang in the air like fog.

I recently ran into Spoken Poetry on youtube by a friend and I am in love with it. I've just been addicted to hearing people tell me their stories through rhymes and rhythms, and comparisons i could have never even DREAMED of using.

Gravestones to Teeth, Anesthesia as the gas we breath living in suburbia telling us everything's okay. A soldier to a little girl with a plastic bucket. The things people go through, the joys and pains you see revealed by a simple gesture worth 10 words plus. Then another gesture to explain the next 10 words.

Spoken Poetry is soooooo amazing. I wish one day to be able to spit out the things I've been through, paint it on to a piece of paper and be able to touch someone far from where i am at the moment. That as soon as i reach them i quickly become a part of their past and slowly a part of their memories. So someday they can tell someone else, about that great somebody they heard tell them about their story, and the story will forever be told.

Today I asked 2 different people to write a poem with me. One. Very funny. The other, the complete opposite. I started one, and the other one I followed. I did what any writer would do. Feed off the beginning. She started and i followed. I started and she followed. The following are 2 completely different poems. One about a Man leaving someone behind unnoticed, the other. About. Shoes.

(I wrote the blue lines. Black is my friend.)

SHOES
Left and right. Left and right. is all they know.
They sometimes run, sometimes skip, always on the go.
Unknowing, like hands fumbling in the dark.
Going where led, stopping where parked.
Obedient as a well trained dog, frantic like a baby on a log.
Some will be shiny, others will not, some may be tiny, others a Lot!
Shoes, shoes, the things i strap to my feet.
Shoes, shoes, they really are quite neat!


JUST THERE
At the family Christmas party and your standing there, just standing. Water dripping down ever so slightly on your cheeks, sniffles and coughs, beating and bouncing around the room like a percussionist's audition. Hands shaking as if there was an earthquake.. feet wet. Staring off into space, wondering if I will ever find my way back into reality, into the screaming, into the laughing, into the distraught and lonely, into the love and heart aches only to see how it hurts me. Help. Help me. I'm stuck. They through the shovel out, I'm stuck in this hole all by myself no one can hear my cry's for help.. I sit and watch as the shadows of happiness and joy cross over my face like ants on a picnic blanket. Knees tucked in, head bent down alone sitting, tears streaming.. I can't control my thoughts. I think things I know I shouldn't. He doesn't care. Or does he? Does he really see me? Does he see me now? Am i making you proud?! ... He sees me.. Alone here, sitting. Watching my minds cogs tick, and twork as i make a decision all on my own, as a child stumbles and falls from the lessons you've learned, He doesn't care. He's moved on to the next one. He hasn't called in weeks. Maybe even months.. he doesn't see the stress beyond my smile.. if.. if.. I even smile. Sometimes its dependable.. on you, but you don't seem to care really.. obviously I'm not. Okay. I see where this is going. Where this is coming from. And its not something that is easy to go through. Not something that can be fixed over night, not something that can be trimmed off the edges and swept away.


And that's where it ended.. But do you see how words can portray completely different stories, pictures, scenes. All SO different. I'm not taking this last one personally, it didn't meant anything to me, i just simply fed off of her. My dear friend. Who goes through a lot of hard things and she's only just "a young lass", a young women. Things that shouldn't be shown to such a girl, such a girl with pure innocence. And it pains me to read the things she wrote and to try and pick things up for her to up the end, but it just sucks to be on the listening end sometimes.

Listening to someone express their feelings, and thoughts. Their perception on all the same things I've seen and heard is ... both trembling, and interesting.

Anyways. Hope this wasn't a downer of a entry...

Sometimes its hard to be the listener, and have no one listen to you. It's the hard part of being the listener.

Hmm... The Listener... sounds like the makings of something new..


Yours Truly,
Amanda Jeannette
Stay True, Stay You.

Tuesday is bore, ...

Today was turning out to be a really bad day. Had a rough morning, did my hair all curled and it looked fine, then I had Chemistry and Physiology/Anatomy that helped a lot. Boy in that class always makes me laugh, He's my best guy friend. I love him, we tell each other everything. Then i had Choir and that was alright until i had to get my seat back and not being mean at all. I just stood there and she said "hi" i said. "i need to sit down." she replied " you can sit in my seat." which in the 3rd row on the very top, where i cannot see our conductor, i said "I don't want to sit there." then she moved, But her and her friends that sit near me all gave me looks like "Oh my gosh shes so mean, she can just sit over there." But there's a reason that i am sitting here. My voice blends with these people better then yours does and that's why you are sitting a row behind everyone else. That may sound mean but its true. He would have put you in my seat if your voice was the same tone. I'm not saying her voice is bad, she has a very strong voice, broad, (and easily picked out from her vibrato) but i sit in that seat, you sit there. There's a reason for it in choir.... It made me feel bad and mad the rest of Choir, so me being Class President i just went up with the pianist and turned pages for her. Then once the teacher left, i had to conduct the class and i always feel like a dunce standing up there, keeping a tempo that they are dragging me down but i don't slow down. They have to catch up to me, and stay with me. So i purposely sped the tempo up just a little bit, It killed the pianist but it helped the choir so much because when our Teacher came out they were spot on with him. However i did hear an absence of 1st altos and when i looked up again, she was back, standing in my place :P I don't like her, but i cant say anything bad about her other then i hate when she sits in my chair just because I'm president taking roll, entering grades in the computer, and doing what Mr. Wiser (teacher man.) tells me to, Does Not. Give her freedom to move my things and sit in my place. It's just a little annoying. I'm sure she wouldn't like me touching all her things and throwing them on the floor.

Bit of a vent session for you there about school.

After school:

I stayed to listen to friends audition for the talent show at school this year. Addison, one of my good friends, auditioned singing Someone Like You by Adele. After she came out i told her the girl going in after her was going to sing the same song. She asked if she was any good, i shook my head in disagreement. But then we just talked until her ride came and i went to drivers ed.

In Drivers Ed my teacher was sleep deprived, so we had fun saying really funny things.

Quotes from that class that i absolutely loved, and laughed at uncontrollably. :)

Ben: "Do you know the seminary's wifi password?"

Teacher: "No?..."

Ben : "Well... It's not jesus."



Teacher: "So what do you know about crack babies?"

Flavio: "They come out.."


Oh, how i love my drivers ed class. All boys and I'm 1 of 4 girls. :) It's so much fun because they all come from different 'cliques' at school and in that classroom, were all friends, and the 'cliques' and 'stereotypes' are masked and its... just.. Fun.

Today was boring until that class.

Monday is a bummer,
Tuesday is a bore,
..Wednesday makes me ornery.....


Yours Truly.
Amanda Jeannette.
Stay True, Stay You.

Can you see me?

This video is just... touching. I still can't get passed it. Tragic.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZE4wjGp-80A


That is all.

Yours Truly.
Amanda Jeannette.
Stay True, Stay You.


I love you.

There Goes Our Last Female

In the month of November, I've managed to cut my hand with my car door's lock, Eat thanksgiving food for 4 days (thank goodness for left overs.) Sleep in till 11, Learn how to play a new song on the piano, Watch the same 3 movies over 3 times each, and.... stuff.

I've never been so excited for Christmas break. I have to learn (will learn) every bone in the body along with the divets and creases and lines. Literally everything. The holes in the skull, the creases in the humerus, femur, tibia, fibula and all the other little crowns. I'm nervous about that test.

Ice age, sloth, watermelon. Nuff said.

You just lost the game.

I am however excited to see friends, and actually have something to do. School is both good and bad. To much is bad, To much is good, No breaks, bad. to many breaks = more school, thats bad.

Boys department - why did you have to get a hair cut? .. your so much harder not to like. Boys are so simple at times, but then you can be so confusing. Right now i am pleasantly confused.

Yours Truly.
Amanda Jeannette.
Stay True, Stay You.

and then?.. I think

It feels like its all compressing

I can feel an ache, a pain

I can feel a something that I cant..

Respond to with words, or phrases.

Its all just building up and on top of the other.

Its all just planning on coming out.

Everything I’ve been holding onto all by myself,

Getting ready to release like a rush of great waters.

Its all gone. Nothing is held back,

I cant do anything about it, because it’s already done.

I didn’t want this to happen.

I never meant for this to come.

I’m only sorry that I let it get to me,

It wasn’t worth my worries and my pains

To see that it was all just a façade.

Something i hid behind for most of life.

... no... Not again.

Hard Right, Shoulder Check, Hard Left, Straighten out.

My dear dear.. you. Drivers Ed has been coming along swimmingly. I've passed Simulators, and am now at the end of Range. For those of you who don't know what those are... Simulators are like Arcade Car Games except your graded on how you drive, and they are FAR MORE BORING. Range is when you get to drive with a partner and NO ADULT for the first time. It's really quite a cool experience. I haven't died, yet. I almost did. I drove with this girl on her Back Up Challenge (driving backwards in a rectangular course.) And she almost ran into the gate. I used my handy dandy passenger brake so we wouldn't die. ;) But this whole week, I've won every challenge hopefully not jinxing myself. But i won Parallel parking, Back Up Challenge, How Slow Can You Go? race (Who ever was LAST to the finish line won.), and just barely we tested 90 degree park, 3 point turns, and left lane change, I got 100% on that. So tomorrow i have NO IDEA what she will have planned for us. But im so glad its almost done. Then i have Behind The Wheel. Which is where i get to drive with a Driving Instructor and it last for about an hour or so. I have to do that TWICE! Drivers Ed ends somewhere around December 14 or 16. Then i will be ready for my Road Test. Which means I'd be taking it in the (DUN DUN DUN) SNOW!!! AHHHH!!!! But it'll make me a better driver right? Hopefully this year it won't snow as much as it did last year. Or if it does, I just hope that I go on a clear sunny day.

Other then that. Life has just been that is always has been. Busy, Hard, Frustrating, Bright, Hope-filled, and many other words I cannot think of.

Boy department - could be better but you know. It'll get there. Someday.

Anyways. Till next time.

Yours Truly,
Amanda Jeannette.
Stay True, Stay You.

Don't Hide Your Face

Things happen, and that's when life just starts to take over.
You can't stop it, life doesn't and wont wait for you to say "Go".
It's there and wont look back at you to see where you're at.

Things will turn against you, make you battle, and fight.
Until you cant stand it anymore. You stop and take a break,
While it takes you over. But once you get back up, it can't take
You down. Nothing will be to hard at that moment in time.

And again life cycles, you're going up and ahead,
Or you're going back and behind. Its relentless, and wont stop.
You have to keep going, even when its toppling over you.
Right now I'm down. ..and I'm out for my count.

But soon enough I'll be able to get back up, and hopefully stay up.
Stay up, and stay caught up with life. But until that happens, I'm here.
Below the surface, underneath the answer, submerged in my own fear.

Fear, is a silly little thing. Snaking its way back to you every now and then.
Reminding you of how like a child you were. You are. All you can do,
Is sit in fear. Unknowing. Floating in charted waters with only
A life jacket that's not your size. And no matter how hard you kick,
Paddle, dive, hold your breathe, it seems like your never getting far enough.

But if you just stay still, and know that He is. Look for His grace,
Amidst all the darkness of this world and You'll stand tall again.

Don't hide your face, cause I'm here in the dark. I've lost my way,
i need to know where you are, feeling surrounded by sorrow and doubt,
So blinded by fear but i can't see my way out, You'll give me strength
Show me the way, to your embrace, Don't Hide Your Face.

Yours Truly.
Amanda Jeannette.
Stay True, Stay You.

We Waited.

The following poem is part of an assignment I had in Creative Writing Honors with Mr. Rutter this year. Our assignment was to portray WWI and their feelings and all that was embedded into them. So this is was I came up with.

We Waited

Knees bent, heads down, guns up.
We waited.
Days, and weeks passed by.
All was still.
Words transferred without speaking,
Movement made without a sound.
Anxious and alert we listened.
For what came next,
Could change our lives forever.
Pops, and bangs, and clicks.
Explosions everywhere,
Not Caring if it be friend or foe,
But getting the job done.
The rhythmic beat of gunfire
Pulsed through my veins.
Running past those I knew,
Friends, Brothers, Fathers, Sons,
All were lost save but a few.
Alone we waited.
Knees bent, heads down, guns up.
We Waited.

Yours Truly.
Amanda Jeannette.
Stay True, Stay You.

Spankin First Date ... ha :)

So I, Amanda Jeannette. Have now entered the dating world by first having a complete success with my (are you ready for this?... i don't think you are... i am :)) MY FIRST DATE! I went with the boy I like. :) Seeing as its the girls ask boys dance. I was the one picking him up and being told his bed time!! HA! It was so great. I stood by his front door just listening to all this chatter. Lots and lots of little voices... THEN! I knocked on the door and the voices sounded frantic! (much like chickens with their heads off running around) This little man in a Ketchup Bottle costume comes to open the door and i am greeted by maybe 20 little faces all in awe at me. Most likely because i was super dressed up. My date was at the top of the stairs just smiling. :) As I went up all these little faces greeted me with the traditional kiddie wave. You know where you wave by curling your fingers in? Yeah. ADORABLE. :) I met Dad and Mom, and we took the embarrasing date picture. Right by his movie stacks and in front of the window shutters. Then his dad said, "Make sure you have him back by 9:30" To which i just smiled, nodded, and just laughed.

Next on the adventure, we went to the infamous Wendy's. We were going to go McDonalds but thought "This is a special occasion." so we went to Wendy's instead. :) We proceed to get our dates their meal, and we sat down. We all had a good time, girls were entertained by our dates throwing fries into each others mouths from two different tables. :) Then we cleaned up and prepared to go to the dance.

BUT! We did not go to any ordinary school dance. We went to a family ward dance that one of my friends' ward was hosting in their building. Needless to say, we learned how to dance to Latin music :) Best part was watching the boys try to move their hips. Esai and Jose were totally fine because that's just how they grew up, but the other two were just these silly little white boys and they were just so funny :) After that went to McDonalds for treats and again had fun. :) We found more people in costumes, and loved it!

Then we went to Esai's house and played with his little nephews. This time taking many pictures at random moments. To this i found out, my date was absolutely amazing with little kids. It was so fun to watch him playing with them, and their sweet little kid laugh would curdle out and you couldn't help but smile. :)

Last thing we did. Went to Harbor Park and took our last date pictures. Some by freezing swings, some by freezing poles, (did i mention that last night was freezing! but its good on a date ;)) some by freezing jungle gyms, and some were just standing in the freezing cold. The girls took the great picture of all our shoes. ;) We all wore some form of vans, or converse.

Drove our dates home, and the night ended in a sweet innocent hug on the doorstep. :) It was a great First and Last Date. First Date for me. Last date for Esai before he leaves on his mission. He's going to chile for 2 years to try and save the world over there. :) i think he'll be amazing.

We'll, in this mornings news. Our varsity volleyball team is going into play off stage before we try and go to state. :) We won the coin toss, so today we see who we will have to play at a mutual standing Orem High School. Firstly, i think its so dumb that they leave it to a coin toss to see who will be going to state. I personally think we can do it. We have the talent. We have the unity. No one has any "beef" towards each other. But our team is so very emotional when we start getting behind them points wise. That's why today im praying for a fast win. If we go to 5 games, its so risky. It can go either way for us. Very POSITIVE, or Very NEGATIVE. Which is a result I DO NOT WANT!! I want our team to take STATE! If we do well today, i can see either Provo vs Salem Hills for the title, or Provo vs Timpview, for the title. I'm praying we win all the games in 3 and we just finish business.

We'll :) i'm gonna go get ready now. I'll let you know how things go down.

Yours Truly,
Amanda Jeannette.
Stay True, Stay You.

A Letter From Our Heavenly Father

Dear Daughter [To My Son],

I remember well the day that you left my side, wandered through the veil and ventured forth to fulfill your earthly mission, I had a tear in my eye as I clothed your spirit in a cloak of love and sent you off to school. Be assured that my thoughts are with you now.

I love you with all of my heart. I know your life, the good, the bad, your grief, your disappointments, your unrewarded efforts, and your frustrations. But always remember-- all that I have is yours if you will only come home again.

My [Son] dear sweet daughter, realize that in you I have placed a bit of heaven. No one was exempt. I love all of my children. You have some blest gift, some talent, and some little part of me in you. Search for it, develop it, use it, and most importantly, share it with others. If you really love me, then help others find themselves and lead them to me. Show your love by serving others.

Repent of your failings and humble yourself. Make yourself ever teachable and continually strive to improve. I gave you weaknesses to help you be humble. Don't condemn me for that. I did it because I love you. Be full of hope. Don't let discouragement engulf you. I'll come if you need me.

Daughter [My Son], cease your idle contentions. Be a peacemaker, for it breaks my heart to see many of my children fighting. If they could only see what I have hoped, planned and desired for them. My heart breaks as I watch them. But you, faithful [Son] daughter, are my hope. It is through you that my work must proceed. You haven't much time and there is so much work to be done. I beg you to get started.

Accomplish the mission I gave to you before you left me. I'll help you. I'll never be to busy or too far away to come to you. I'm nearer to you then you might suspect. I have so much I would like to tell you, but I can't here.

Come to me often in prayer. I love to talk to you, my beloved [Son] daughter. Be diligent in my work and my kingdom shall be yours. I'd love to take you in my arms, but I to. Must wait patiently: that time will come. Till then I leave you my peace, my blessing, my love and never forget I am nearby whenever you need me.

I love you and miss you so very much and oh, how I am looking forward to your return to me and your Mother.

All my love,

Your Heavenly Father.

This letter left me so full of peace, and love. I hope that you can feel the same way i do. *Guys, i tried my best to edit it to fit you as well. :) enjoy. Remember, he will ALWAYS love you.

Listen. Try. WORK.

Words. They fly out on swift wings

At times they go unnoticed

Unheard and Withheld

Sometimes i wonder

What he's got planned up there.

I wonder why he sends them here

To me and my inadequacy

So many words, to try and translate

So many words that are to unpredictable

I try to the best of my abilities and still?..

I feel improper. As though I'm not the best

Should i be feeling this way?

And Why not?

I am only Human.

What could He see in me?

I find myself in His hands,

Watching the work taking place.

It's a strange thing to step back

and look at how things will change.

Change according to plan. His.

Listen to His words, and they become your own.

I listened and they became My own.

It's then that i realized something.

How else will He show us his Love

Then through the eyes and mouth of

His Children.

So from now on:

I'll Listen.

I'll Try.

I'll Work.

An Evening of Laughter and Lots of Love

Tonight was very good. Half expected it to turn out worse then that, But when your accompanied by good friends, food, Dr.P, and random men that stand out side your window in a Potato Mask and a All black body suit with hair, (not as scary as you think) then driving home talking about what just happened? :) Priceless. Let's work out tonight evening like master card shall we ? :)

McDouble: $1.17(I'm only assuming)
2 Large Fries: $4.75(again I'm only assuming)
Laughing at each other because i showed them two scary characters then laughing at each other again over laughing at each other: Priceless. :)

Tomorrow I sing at my Best Friends Farewell. We're singing Be Strong and I have a solo. I just know that I'm going to cry. Wouldn't you? Cry for someone who is like your brother whose leaving for 2 years to serve the Lord? I would. So would he. He did sorta tonight during our practice and in the middle of his solo. He's going to make an AMAZING Missionary. I can't wait to hear stories from him on his "mish". He will be joining me on my First date, with McKenna, on his last date before he leaves. So i will be on my first date with Taylon (that's the boy i asked, :)) and he will be going with McKenna on his last date. Kailey and Josie will also be attending with their dates as well. Gerrit and Jose.

I love my friends. Tonight was amazing. It was just what i had needed, for a really long time. :) goodnight... you?...

Yours Truly.
Amanda Jeannette.
Stay True, Stay you.

A Teased Cheek

He smiled and said "How are you?"
To which her simple reply was "Fine."
But deep within her soul
she was screaming
"I'm now even BETTER then fine!"
As he came towards her
she nodded, with kind, watchful eyes,
with a smile teasing her cheek.

His cologne flew towards her. A smell
that she came to know really quite well.
His embrace came swift, like a soft
blanket enclosing her with safety.
She wished to stay for all the time in the world.
For which she only had but a fragment of time.

Then I woke up.

First Try

The first try
is always thrilling.
Exciting,
Important,
Monumental even.

Until it comes
to a giant fail.
The words end,
the conversation slips,
and your stuck
without words to
follow you.

Its just awkward.

Where, Oh Where

Hey look! :) This is the second post! Don't get too far ahead of yourself, this wont happen as lucky as it did. I had time before I was off to mutual, so I took use of it.

Can i say, how good it feels, to sing tenor? Not that i am singing it now in Concert Choir. But just to be able to sing a song an octave below and comfortably belt it out for my own pleasure and sometimes the will of others. :) Is soooo great. But i am now back to where i was. I'm a First Alto again. This is how my choir voice/life has been since middle school when i joined. 7th grade i was a soprano. 2nd Semester i went to a Second Soprano. Still not even understanding what a soprano was or an alto. (i had them switched, soprano sang low, alto sang high. Dah, i was so silly.) 8th grade, I went back to Soprano. 2nd term went to 2nd soprano, 3rd term, 1st alto, 4th term, 2nd alto, when the music called for it but it was mostly never.. :) but sang all the way around basically. Then Freshmen year in high school, I was a 1st alto. Sophomore year. 2nd soprano in Advanced Women's, and a 1st alto in Concert Choir. I really liked that one because it kept my range quite balanced. I could sing high without loosing my lower range, and sing low without loosing my higher range. This year I was placed as a Second Soprano, but all the music was set in unison and so i was expected to sing as a First Soprano, with the occasional split. BUT!!! ....

Today we did something funky. We (the women of the class) sang the tenor octave of Hark! The Harold Angels Sing. and i was moved BACK! to being a First alto :) Huzzah! Can i say that?

Volleyball yesturday at springville. Varsity won 3 - 2. It was a close game, but they couldn't have played any better. I'm JV captain, and i think we could have done better. Always room for improvement righ? And i'm not saying i'm perfect. Because i'm am most certainly not. I could be a better team leader, captain, defensive player, aggressive defensive player ) that isn't afraid to call someone off, a sure player knowing what is mine to take and to just do it. (As Nike says ;)) My hip snapped again during the last game, so i will be forced to wear my archaic diaper that hold my leg in place again for another week. GREAT. Next, with that win, we are now closer to going to state! :) we just need a couple teams to take care of somethings for us. And we will be. Prime! :) ha Anyways!

Yesturday I got my reply from the boy i asked to the halloween dance. He put it as a decipher thing. So i had to look for my answer in The Book of Mormon. It looked something like this.
Ex. 123-1-15-6
The first number is the page in the Book Of Mormon. The second is the column its in. The third is how many lines down. And the last number is how many words into that line. And that was the word he was using. :) His reply, after a time of "searching my scriptures" :D was.

" Of course! I would love to go with thee! "

Ha. Total Mormon Boy line. :) i love it. Our dates gonna be amazing! Going to go bowling in fancy dresses :) and then take pictures by signs. :) I'm so excited!!

Side note. Im trying to learn winter wind by Jon Schmidt. got the first page down. :) now.. for the rest, just as soon as i get them. I only have 2 sample pages into the song and i already like it. I just have to simplify it a touch :)

Okay, well that's all for today.

Yours Truly,
Amanda Jeannette.
Stay True, Stay You.

Here Goes Nothin...

This here is the blog of Yours Truly. I think I'll keep it this way. Seeing as you'll see my name every time you go to this page. But we'll see how this goes. I wont be able to tell you every single day of my life, but i'll try and keep things posted weekly?... Monthly even? I don't know. I'm just a young lass! You can't expect the best from me. But. yeah. I'm sixteen. Haven't gone on my first date til hopefully next week on Friday, at the Halloween dance at school. That will be interesting. ;)

Well.. i feel like a narrative.. person. I guess that's what its like when you have an electronic "journal". Mmmh. Just one more thing I'll have to learn to be comfortable with. Until next time.

Follow "dah wools", don't get to far behind until you can't see the finish line. Life is set at your own pace. That's why they call it "YOUR" life. ;)

I'm tired. Don't Judge Me.

Yours Truly,
Amanda Jeannette.
Stay True, Stay You.