You know.. I never thought that things would get harder then hard. Harder then when you can't remember what you're supposed to be getting. Then you sit down, and it all comes back to you.
My phone. That's what I was getting.
Harder then when your trying to think of a song, and the melody is there,
a few of the words are there, but.. the.. part.. you.. want.. to.. express.
It's not there. Instead it just festers around in your head and you just sit.
Annoyed.
Because you can't remember.
Things have been convincing me that they're easy. That I can do anything.
But. Alas, I am deceived. There seems to be less time in a day.
Instead of the usual 24 hour day I seem to only have 15.
While others are "out and about" posting their adventurous lives on
Facebook, Tweeting on Twitter, hash tag-ing on Instagram,
#noonereallycareswhatyouredoing #sostopit #hipsterswag
I guess the only way you can impress someone is to be monumental.
Enter into a contest of talents. AND WIN.
Be somebody with a name. NOT the name you were given at birth.
The name you are PLACED with in society.
I can be Amanda Ibarra. But only the choice few will know who I really am.
But that choice is mine. Not yours. Not your friends brothers dog.
Mine.
College has separated things into categories.
Category A: Do it now
Category B: Do it tomorrow
Category 4: I don't remember if i'm supposed to be doing this
A lot of the time I am pretty good at getting things done. Other times, I'm usually trying to find a way out.
I am trying to find my way around things, trying to get work done with school and my job.
I am trying to find another source of happy.
I have had to start over with college. New slate. No priors. Just trying to make friends.
Don't get me wrong. My friends will always be friends to me.
But I have to make new friends in a place where people are not very dependable.
In a place where one day they can be here and the next they are gone.
It's hard. Harder then tying a knot,
like the kind your head phones make inside of your pocket.
It's hard when the only opinion you have of yourself is the opinion you think others think of you. So in reality,
"It's not what I think I am, It's what I think you think I am."
College has no labels really. It's do or die.
Feeling alone and wishing I was with my "old friends" is something I think about all too often.
College is nice (from the view of a normal person) Lots of time to do what ever I want.
And study.
And Work.
And Eat.
But with me its mostly-
Time to go to school.
Done with school.
Go to work.
Done with work.
Super tired.
Gotta study.
Oh hey, got a text message from someone. -psych- it's just an email from my teacher.
study..
study..
talk to no one. because i'm studying..
talk to my sister..
talk to my brother..
go home..
.. be at home..
.....
.....
.....
.....
Well.. that was nice.. Goodnight.
Can't wait to do that again tomorrow.
I just want things to be okay. I hope college gets better. Because right now.. It kinda sucks.
